God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
