i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
