I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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