p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize