i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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