I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize