shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
