Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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