GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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