i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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