I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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