So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
