Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
