is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
