Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
