I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
