dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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