she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
