I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize