Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
