I think my fart just growled at me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
