I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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