Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
