She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
