Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We need to get me chipped asap
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
