Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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