I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
