they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
