So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
