he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
