Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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