And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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