In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
