Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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