pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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