When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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