i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
