If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize