Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Your cock deserves a montage
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
