did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
