She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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