Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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