I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
