omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
