Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
