I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
