new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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