i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
