I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
