Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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