I just pynch a tree in the face
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
