look no pants
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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