there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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