Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
