ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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