When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize