Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize