Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
