Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
