Ambien. No doubt about it.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize