maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
