You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
