Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
