Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine

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(561): View more from Florida

I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.

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(616): View more from Michigan

You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.

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(845): View more from New York

you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!

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(423): View more from Tennessee

You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants

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(618): View more from Illinois

How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?

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