i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
