just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just pee around me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
