No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize