so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
