I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
