Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
