Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize