I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
