I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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