Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
