i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
