My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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