I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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